I've decided what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. In my case it is school. Sometimes I find myself so stressed about school that I have no other choice but to drop everything around me and just work, work, work like crazy on homework. It's either that or have a nervous breakdown worrying about it. My house gets messy and I don't have time to clean or do anything like go to the grocery store or workout, whatever. I can't have any hobbies or extracurricular activities. I can't even find time to clean my car out. But mom always said "when you're so overwhelmed you don't know where to start, just start." And so I do and eventually the homework is done. But then I'm so mentally drained all I want to do is sleep. I come home from school after six hours of lecture and I pass out. I come home from work after worrying in the back of my mind all day about school and I pass out. I can't get up on the weekends because all I have to look forward to is homework. I do wake-up and do my homework but only to pass out again after I'm done. Sometimes I wonder is all this really worth it? But then another quarter passes, another hellish week of finals is over, and I am ecstatic to have another four classes under my belt and a bright future ahead of me. The dream of graduating is that much closer and I swear that is the only thing that keeps me going. Don't get me wrong this experience is providing me with invaluable personal growth and I love learning new things and educating myself, I just wish I could do it at a more pleasurable pace. I'm paying all this money only to race through what is supposed to be one of the greatest experiences in my life. I want to slow down and really soak it all in, I just haven't the time.
One thing I'll tell you about this experience is it is showing me what I'm capable of. Working this hard has made me very aware of what one person is capable of accomplishing if they want it bad enough. For this reason I have become very impatient with people who make excuses about why they "can't" do something. I wish they would just come right out and say they don't "want" to do something and just be real about it. Maybe they think they're not capable, but you don't know until you try. I've seen people accomplishment insane stuff because they wanted it bad enough. So even though school is killing me it is making me stronger. I refuse to quit. My Nana always said "when Kelly sets her mind to something there is no stopping her." I've never agreed with her more than I do now. I hope I'm making her proud.
Speak for Yourself
Imogen Heap
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